The hunt begins

Before I can flee the country, I have to find some able bodied person to rent my house. This is turning out to be much more difficult than I had expected.

Last night a woman that can only be described as the female equivalent to Humpty Dumpty came to look at my house. She was under the misguided presumption that she could come into my house and try to fast talk me into not only cutting her a deal on the rent [because she doesn't have a job!], but also allowing her to store her furniture in my house for a week before she actually moved in. She did a convoluted song and dance about how clean she was and how trustworthy and honest she has always been. While this woman was sitting there going on and on about her cleanliness, I couldn't help but notice her feet. She was wearing fake snakeskin slides that had certainly seen better days, and her toes, which were hanging out of the shoes all helter-skelter, were running a close second for the most disgusting I have ever seen. Her toenails were all gnarled and rotten with fungus and some of them had the remnants of nail polish which had probably been put on weeks before. How can one claim to be a clean person and have toes that look like that?

On top of all of this, she couldn't keep her multiple stories straight, which, as we all know, is the most important part of being a convincing liar. Lying to people is an important part of my current job duties, and after four years I believe I've gotten pretty good at it. The old adage, "You can't bullshit a bullshitter," rings true yet again.

So the reasons I will give for not renting her my house will be the obvious ones, i.e. she doesn't have a job, she can't afford the place, she's got a German shepherd, and it won't be ready when she needs it.

But the real reason I'm not going to rent her my house: I do not want a filthy Humpty Dumpty lady who doesn't have enough imagination and/or memory to form a convincing lie living under my roof. After all, isn't that nail fungus transmittable through bathtubs??