Another opportunity to make an ass of myself? Don't mind if I do!

Yesterday was my first day of actually teaching. Granted, the departing teacher was still there in the room supervising, but he was pretty much worthless and wouldn't even participate in the group. I think I actually did a pretty good job. A fantastic job considering it was my first day teaching anything ever. One of my students told my manager that I sounded like the lady on the language CD and/or a DJ. [there's a bit of a language barrier between my manager and me so I'm not really sure if she meant both or just thought of a better way to say it...] I came home so happy last night. For the first time since I got here I actually started to think that I could do this.

Then today happened...

I think I've got putting together the actual lesson plans down. There's no real problem there. I know the order to teach the different sections, too. The fact that I don't seem to be able to make it through all of the different sections is another matter and apparently of no real concern. [at least not yet] My problem seems to be that I don't really set up the situations very well. I'm not sure if it's because I'm not sure how to set them up, or I'm not sure how to set them up in a way that the students understand, or I'm not entirely sure of the situation itself. Whatever the reason, when I give the students a situation, or a role to play in the situation, unless they're higher level students, they just seem to sit there and stare at me. Looking back at a room of blank faces makes me freak out just a little bit. When I start to freak out, not only do I start to talk faster and use way too many words--half of which they probably don't understand--but I start to forget what the hell the point of it all is. What was the situation I was trying to get these people to role-play? Why am I standing here in front of these people? What exactly do I want them to do? And what the fuck am I trying to teach them again?!

That cycle repeated itself all day long.

The powers that be at the school don't seem concerned about this. It's only my second day, after all. Although the thought did cross my mind, I'm sure their efforts at reassuring me aren't just Japanese modesty talking. It IS only my second day. No one [but myself] expects me to be a perfect teacher right out of the gate.

So after beating myself up all the way home on the train internally--externally I was retelling a Bill Mahr joke concerning John Kerry and his wife--I decided to stop in the grocery store to buy shit that I don't really need right now, such as mini cup cakes. [which, incidentally, have a very strange taste that I can't quite place... It's not necessarily a good taste, yet not really a bad taste either. However, the taste for damn sure doesn't belong in a cup cake.] It seems that every time I have any kind of interaction with Japanese people I make a complete ass of myself. It wasn't until I got to the check out and started to see the amount of my purchase rise higher and higher that I realized that I just didn't have that kind of money on me. I had to try to get the cashier to throw some items of food back. She looked at me like no one had ever asked her to do that before. Granted, maybe she was looking at me like that because I was pointing in the general direction of the basket and saying, "No, no, not that. Sorry. I don't want that," instead of saying anything at all in Japanese. [which is probably a good thing, since my Japanese vocabulary consists of a very polite way to say, "Thank you very much," and, "goodbye," and the numbers one, two and another one that sounds like banana--I forget which number that one is, though...] Of course, the sensible food items got thrown back, i.e. the rice. [which cost $12 for some reason!] The questionable mini cup cakes made it home with me. Just as well, really. I still don't know how to work the rice cooker.